Tuesday, April 10, 2007

Back In Black

Well...lots has been happening in the time since I last posted. People have turned 30, got married, and got ill.

It's made me think how much circumstances can dictate my feelings, my mood, my outlook, my productivity, everything. It's as if my circumstances dictate my life, almost as if I'm a victim to them.

That doesn't leave me with much of a say in the matter of my life.

Now, I know that I don't have to be a slave to my circumstances, but knowing it doesn't make the difference. I can sit here and analyse, pray, and wait for the 'right' circumstances, but somehow I don't think that will make a huge difference.

A few weeks ago at school we had a comic relief event. I was approached by some boys the week before to sing "Back in Black". We had one practice, and well...it was ok! The only problem was that I didn't know the words. I spent ages learning them, but on the day, with the crowd...peformance nerves...and I forgot all the words. One practice, and the performance reflected that.

Having said that, we raised £80 in about 20 minutes! And I screamed incomprehensibly in time with the music (some might say that is the very essence of heavy metal) and managed to pull it off...the ridiculousness of my appearance helped.

The boys I teach are getting nervous about circumstances. Some have left their coursework very late. It's a bit of a wake-up call for them, and for me. Easter holidays haven't been that much of a holiday, but once the coursework is marked, it's downhill all the way!

And of course this is the season of rebirth, fertility and resurrection. I've visited Germany and seen one of my friends get married. It was great - a mixandmash of cultures. She's German, he's from Coventry, but grew up in France and went to Uni with me in Birmingham. They met in Burkina Faso.

It was nice how it all came together actually - German weddings are a slightly different format to those in the UK. No real dancing or partying, but games/ items/ party pieces after the food...and LOADS of coffee and cake. I wrote a song about the groom, and performed it in English and German. It went down really well - and raised an authentic laugh from the German contingent. (Not that Germans don't have a great sense of humour!)

Of course, going to a wedding made it all the more apparent that I am getting married this summer.

So after getting ill in Germany (induced from hayfever/ asthma/ eating badly), and suffering with a four hour plane delay (not pleasant - for me, or for the wonderful D who still managed to pick me up!) it was back to discussing invites and wedding issues with families.

My patience is being tested.

D is wonderful - and actually enjoying the whole process too. I am too, mostly. I just allow myself to get tested by my family. Yes it's my wedding, but it's also a big deal for everyone who is related to us. Sometimes I lose sight of that. Sometimes I can be a complete idiot and not listen. And sometimes, other people want it their way or the high way.

My family has wonderful people in it. Really genuinely amazing people. They all are in their own way.

And some just push my buttons.

So we're back full circle. Do I let my feelings/ opinions/ arrogance dictate the experience of planning my wedding?

Circumstances leading me, or me creating the circumstances.

It is action that produces results. No action, no result, simple.

I'm always reminded of this quote:

Reasonable people adapt themselves to the world. Unreasonable people attempt to adapt the world to themselves. All progress, therefore, depends on unreasonable people.
George Bernard Shaw
I'm going to make those phonecalls and apologies.

J.

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