Tuesday, April 11, 2006

We Who Are Not As Others

Sometimes it's easy to think that the whole world thinks differently to me.

That's 'cos I'm an arrogant ass right?

Well selfish and rude maybe.

But chatting to my sister and my fiancee...well people do have their weird opinions. I mean - my sister says things for effect so much - it's like she can read minds. I love the way she is so much. Hearing a story about how she speaks with people - she knows exactly what she's doing, and why she's saying it.

She's brilliant.

I realise - on the one hand - I'm a human no different to anyone else.

But on the other hand - for whatever reason: my parents, my culture, my religion, my experiences, my being a [Landmark] graduate, being around young people...I'm different.

My fiancee does mad things too. And there's complete clarity between us. We argue and fight...but it's done and sorted out. Never go to sleep on an argument!

She's brilliant too.

I think I underestimate the effect of connections and friendships. People say that they're open and honest. But they're not. People have said they clear things up, and that they're straight up and all that. But they're not.

Not that I'm perfect - I do that too...hahahaha!

Maybe I just like to think of myself as idealistic...Oscar Wilde said that resignation is the last refuge of the idealist. And I know I get resigned about making a difference. (Is it a crime to want to do that? Sometimes I feel it is because I keep on going regardless). I get resigned about doing my marking too (ah yes...well there is a pile of year 10 coursework on our table at home).

And then there's me getting my piercing done...hehehe...self-expression? Or a cry to "notice me" - a bit of both probably. It's because I think differently to the rest of the world and my wonderful Goan community.

I'm different and the same as other people.

Just like my sister.

And my fiancee.

Two very cool women who keep me sane.


J.