Tuesday, October 18, 2005

Messing Up.

My mum had a real go at me yesterday for not returning a call to my grandparents. It upset me.

I'm about to buy a flat with my fiancee; my parents and grandparents have been amazing, and contributed loads: money and stuff for the flat.

I forgot to call my grandmother back, and I haven't really been in touch with my grandad.

My bad.

It is my responsibility to sort it all out, and I was really upset. I've been in touch with everyone and had really good conversations about how it's all going. I'm disappointed with myself for not wanting to keep sharing with family. That's why I'm upset.

I'm not sure why I did this, but I get all self-pitying and annoyed when I make a mistake and use it to justify everything rather than go clean it up. I like to think it's a human condition, not just mine.

It just doesn't help my mum's blood pressure when she does that.

I mean there are lots of things going on in our family - and that's what makes it a family.

I want more ability to make a difference with it because I love them...but I'm struggling...

...I guess it's part of the game...

J.